


Reflected in the Crowd

by Nazohato



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: F/F, Surreal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-11-07 17:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazohato/pseuds/Nazohato
Summary: Usami Renko’s adventures through both reality and what is not quite real.





	1. A World of Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> For now, and for quite a few chapters ahead, I don’t plan on including any scenes of violence. When they will appear, I will put up a content warning in this section.

“One day, this noise will deafen me too”  
I was standing in the pure white world. With no one at all in it. It was already starting to get dark, the sun was setting and with it, you could feel the temperature dropping. I can handle cold, I can handle it well. Can I handle loneliness, I wonder now. It isn’t that much different from the little chill I experience right now, is it? It’s nothing that would be unbearable, definitely not something I wouldn’t get used to in a while. An empty world is nothing I wouldn’t get used to. An empty mind is nothing I wouldn’t accept.  
And yet... There’s no yet, to be frank, I’m just completely fine. Maybe something is escaping my memory now, but then, it mustn’t be that important if it does, even if I feel this slight sense of longing. I have nothing to worry about.  
It’s night already. It’s colder than I expected. Gradually, I’m starting to feel warmer, heat’s going from the tops of my fingers, slowly enveloping my body, is it death coming? So warm... Feels like cheating, you know, I should, I definitely deserve in the very least, to die in pain, death should be scary and painful, maybe not to others but yes, to me, undoubtedly it should. I have cheated all my life, so at least let me feel genuine at my dying hour, but then it must be a punishment now, right...? Quite clever of you, but if you let me take one more breath, I just might wake up.

And so I woke up. It’s easy to talk like this only when you know you will wake up. The world I woke up to was definitely just as empty as the one I dreamt of, just in a different sense of the word “empty”. Now, that’s an exaggeration, let’s say, it was just my room that was empty, in all sense of that word, it was empty and cold, I could feel my fingers and toes were freezing. I got up from the single bed I was lying on and walked up to the heater on the other side of the room. It was working properly, so I guess I just really got anxious, that must be it, what is the hour again? Barely 7 in the morning, I want to go to sleep, but it’s too scary, and I’m too cold, and if I go back to sleep I feel like death will wait for me right where I left it, I cheated her again, how cruel of me! But I won’t sympathize, I don’t think I can even. One day, this noise will deafen me too... Did I say that? Or was it the person, the reason for the faint longing I felt in my chest, whose source I couldn’t seem to find then, but now it’s clear to me:  
“Maribel”


	2. A World of Reality

“Maribel”  
How could I forget you? My dreams are playing some dirty tricks on me. I love you so dearly after all.  
Slowly, I got up the bed again, heading towards my small bathroom. As little as it was, it could still fit a bathtub, which frankly was one of my favorite places to relax in. I was filling the bathtub with warm water and while waiting for it to fill up completely, I happened to stare at my reflection in the mirror. Messy hair, dark circles under my eyes; they’re always dark, no matter how much sleep I get, they’re always this way apparently, I wonder what might cause it. It annoys me, honestly. My own reflection annoys me. At least it doesn’t put me off. There are moments when I regard it fondly, sometimes too much, one could say, even though personally I don’t see a problem in seeing yourself in a sexual way. Shouldn’t you love yourself? Still staring myself deep in the eyes, I brush my hand across my bare chest, slowly going down my stomach. I remember about the water in the bathtub, right on time- it’s very close to overflowing. Turning it quickly off, just before I step into the water, I make sure it’s the right temperature. Ouch, it might be a little too hot. Is it hot enough to bother me though? I step into the bathtub slowly and see my skin turning red due to the heat. It’s alright, I repeat over and over under my breath. I’m crouching, holding my knees, but I slowly relax my muscles as I get used to the water’s heat.  
I let my thoughts drift off, back to the dream I had. Did it feel cold then? I already forgot.

Oh, it appears I got lost in my own thoughts for a little bit more than a while. Water’s already barely lukewarm. Maybe I snoozed a little? That dream I had, it was exhausting, that’s the most I can recall clearly now...

My phone beeped. New message, from Maribel: “Morning Renko, how are you?”. A faint smile appeared on my face. “Nothing short of great”, I replied. That could be the only answer right now. I waited for her to see my message and reply promptly, just staring at my phone’s screen. 5 minutes, or so, passed, and now the newest message read: “I’m going to be free in an hour, would you like to hang out? There’s something on my mind and I figured you’d be interested. Is the uni cafe okay with you?”. Right when my fingers touched the keyboard, another text from Maribel popped up: “And it’s good to hear you’re doing fine, it’s been a tough month for you lately, right?”. My smile faded a little, yes, it was a rough month indeed. I took a deep breath, as if to get rid of the memories flooding over my head, and sent my friend this “I’ll be waiting”.


End file.
